after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
