Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
