your parents love me but you hate me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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