I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
