I want to have your abortion
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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