Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
