Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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