just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
