pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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