on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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