You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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