Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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