why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
