FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
