I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i dont even know how to be here
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
