We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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