Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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