if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
