dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
should my penis look like a turkey
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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