tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
