You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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