He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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