margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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