I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize