I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
