Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
