just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
