ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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