i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize