oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
