Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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