I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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