also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
