I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
