frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
