She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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