How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
