The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
