my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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