The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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