can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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