I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize