i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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