The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
