It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
