that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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