I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
