Old men and throwing up are my life now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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