READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
