Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
