if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Still dying that you shit outside
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
