I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
