Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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