dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
