you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
