Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
