dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
