My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
