Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
