ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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