to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
