Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
