Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
