Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize