I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
