I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
