Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we're making bets on your personal life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
