escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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