If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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