Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
