I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
