I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
