Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
