Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
