So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
