Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
