First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
