Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
