you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
