How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
