Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
