you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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