dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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