we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
