What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
