I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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