Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would ride that face into the sunset
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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