This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
