you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
