he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize